Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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