I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I sprained my soul last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
