just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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