last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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