Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize