that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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