I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
