i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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