woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
