Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
