did you get engaged???
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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