just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
