1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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