youre lurking in front of me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
