last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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