As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
