I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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