I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
