I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
