He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
