you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
