the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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