he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
