I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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