covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
