i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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