Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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