You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
