I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
