my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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