Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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