My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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