Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
