So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
