I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
