I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
