What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
