Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
