if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
