I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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