the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't turn off my feet"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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