The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
