I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize