I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
