Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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