My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
