I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
