So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
