Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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