I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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