no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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