I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
