I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
