wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
