So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
