i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
