That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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