I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
