Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
