Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize