she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
