addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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