well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tell her she can't have a vagina
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
