took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
