do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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