Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
