Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
