It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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