okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
