I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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