kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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