the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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