You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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