Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
